Bernie Sanders Regrets Not Hiring Willis – Mitten Consolation

bernie nittens lawn

OKLAHOMA CITY – So many have wondered about the disappointed look on Bernie Sander’s face on Inauguration Day. Bernie is long known for spending time at his Heritage Hills vacation home in Oklahoma City. When asked “Why Oklahoma?” in an exclusive interview in 2018 with The Lost Ogle, Bernie responded “Let me just say this, there’s no place like Oklahoma City.”

Saturday morning, however, Bernie became distraught. “I wake up, pour a cup of coffee, head to the front window and look outside. MY GOD – You’ve never seen anything like it.” Bernie described his lawn, overcome with distress and emotion. “I’ve got no grass over there, thin grass over here – this patch is nothing but weeds…” Bernie continued “…In this country no one should ever have a lawn like this.”

Kelly Knight- Service
manager with Willis Lawn

But it almost didn’t have to come to this.

In January 2020, Bernie was consulted by Kelly Knight with Willis Lawn Services. About to pull the trigger and sign on with Willis, Bernie got called back to the capitol. “They were about to start on my lawn when I had an urgent call to get back to D.C. – I just forgot to give them the go ahead.” Bernie was remorseful, “This has been the single worst decision of my life – the not hiring of Willis. I’m just glad they’re always taking new customers.”

As many know, Bernie has been sporting his new mittens, designed and made for him personally by Jen Ellis – a teacher. “Fortunately I do have these new mittens. They have really helped my mood. I called Willis first thing this morning, I plan to sit on the lawn in my mittens until they arrive.”

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This is a satire article and is not based on real events.